Current mood:	I miss you so much...
Current music:	Shake ya Tail Feather

Last Night
Wow....so its about 930 right now and my sister, mom and I are watching Brat Camp. I am told my dad is packing. This really aggitates me. I am gonna miss him so much@ It's not fair....Why does he leave when things get good between us finally? Bad timing for him to leave! He's going away but only till the 13th of August..then we have to go to my cousins wedding so I will see him again then. I am still gonna miss him a lot tho. WARNING: I am gonna be looking for ANY male friends. Its so hard to one minute have the father figure then the next, not. I know a few that I wanna get to know better but for the most part, unfortunately, theres only one guy who I feel would really help me thru this...I know he doesnt feel the same way and he prolly doesnt wanna talk to me but I do care about you stephen. You mean so much to me...not like a date anymore ((i wouldnt do that again)) but I feel like you are an amazing person, a great "brother" figure ((shelby should be glad--even tho she doesnt know what she has)) and a good friend. You prolly wont read this, or even care about what i have to say...but its all true. I have SO many regrets with everything that has happened with you. If I had a second chance I would do so many things different!!! You mean the world to me, and I cant let that go! I am so sorry for everything. I think part of me is the jerk to you because I CARE SO MUCH ABOUT YOU and I dont think you give a shit about me. It hurts because you're just ONE MORE person that doesnt care. never mind about this though...its not like you're gonna read this or that you care :-( but you do mean alot to me.

Anyways...

Now its 9:50 and my dad and mom have to leave at 6 in the morning tomorrow..Tomorrows gonna be sad. I miss him already..It drives me crazy. I guess the truth is I barely know this man I live with. He hasnt ever been around. I mean he works ALL THE TIME. He's one of those fathers who when you go out to dinner, or have a little bonding time with him he is on his cell phone, or has to leave to go help at work or something. He moved away for four years before me moved here, then he just always worked, he moved to NC two years ago, now hes going to NJ..I miss him.

Well tonight for sure I am gonna cry myself to sleep about my dad, and stephen....
Just so you two know:I love you. ((even if it doesnt matter, just want to let you know))


Im OUTT - - - more to come..